Thursday, August 16, 2012

I'm in Love:

And thank god T.J. doesn't mind.  In fact, he's even described it as "charming" and "sweet."  He's more than likely just impressed that the same guy's been coming around the house for more than two or three weeks.

It's now been three months, and my charming, sweet boyfriend has moved in.  It's a little crowded in the house now but being a good brother, T.J. doesn't complain.  I complain a lot, about everything, but T.J. is nice and quite.
Today, I sent my lovely boyfriend out on a grocery run alone for the first time today, and despite our health-conscious diet (with the occasional exception for bouts of ice cream,) he came back with Frosted Mini Wheats.  I thought it was funny- I started going off about it, because I know that he never eats cereal except when he wakes up at 4:00 am, almost every night, craving a snack.  My boyfriend is quite muscular; I suspect his body is constantly in a state of hunger but he hides it.  At 4:00 am, he thinks I'm asleep, and won't know.

T.J., hearing my endeared rant about the cereal, related a little tale to me that inspired this next comic.  Enjoy.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

10 things I'm pretty sure I miss about having a girlfriend.

It occured to me today whilst grocery shopping that as much as I enjoy single life, there are a few things lacking from my existance that I have sadly taken for granted. They include:

10. Coupons. Seriously, I don't know what sort of whichcraft you ladies have, but I've yet to be in a serious relationship with a woman whom a.> does not get the paper delivered to her and b.> never fails to have coupons for whatever it is I think is needed from the grocery store. Even condoms. Condoms. Really? What are you? A freaking magican?

09. Free haircuts. While admittidly this was a pre-2005 phenominom, I always seemed to date someone whom knew how to cut my hair, and make me look at least slightly less like a tool. Granted, for a while I was either rocking my long luxerious locks of olde', or a mohawk, but still; pretty damn awesome.

08. Going to see kids movies without having to bring my younger siblings. Although I can generally get away with Pixar flicks by myself, you just get a funny look walking into see the new "Whinne The Pooh" movie.

07. Feeling useful for being tall. I bonk my head on things quite often, and generally don't fit quite right into the backseat of most cars, but all that is forgotten when someone asks me to change a lightbulb. Hells yeah, I can do that!

06. Going halfvsies for presents. While I may still be single because I've occasionally said "halfvsies" in public, it's pretty awesome to split the cost around hollidays.

05. Spelling. Fun fact: ALL women spell better than I.

04. Birthday sex. Yup, it's pretty awesome.

03. Having someone to text pictures of random things I find on the side of the street to- at 0300. Although for the life of me I cannot fathom the person whom wouldn't want me to send them photos of a neat, old, busted up radio abandoned on the side of the road at oh-dark-thirty.

02. Staying in. Don't get me wrong; I love eating Gibson's Tastee Doughnuts with all of you at 2 in the morning, but there's something to be said about cooking a nice dinner, and wasting away the evening with an awesome movie or series every once in a while. When I do it by myself, I just feel like I'm being anti-social.

And...

01. Not having to check for monsters under the bed. It's not that I think she'll keep them away, it's just that I know I can run faster. Worry not! Once I'm done pissing myself, I vow to fight smaller monsters and level up. When my limit break is charged, I will return to avenge your gruesome and untimely death!

While I'm not entierly positive this means I'm ready to start looking for a potential paramore, I sure do miss having someone to eat the pineapple off my side of the pizza.

Hearts and Ponies;
-T

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Sarah II






Some time ago during one of the many incredibly beautiful days Memphis had last year, my good friends Natx and Cass decided that we should hop onto our bikes, and bomb on down for some Pho Binh (If you live in Memphis, and have not yet frequented this place, shame on you. All the Vietnamese food you can eat for $6.50, and weather or not you're a carnivore, you'll still dig the tofu.) and that amazing cafe' with the condensed milk. (Again, try this if you have the opportunity.) During the process of consuming my many, many plates of food and planning our trip for a local burn, we caught sight of a group of young girls sitting not too far from us.

Well, to be fair, it more happened along the lines of me competing with one of the tiny young ladies for a plate of that amazing spicy tofu. Looks were given, glances exchanged, guttural warning growls issued. In the end, we split the difference, and hightailed it back to our respective seats to hungerly devour our mutual spoils.

It wasn't until we were out the door, and unlocking our bikes when Cass gave me "the look".

Me: What?
Cass: Go ask her for her number.
Me: Wha? No! Women are scary! And um, mean. Except you. And Lydia. And...
Cass: You're stalling. No balls, dude.

This of course turned me on my heels, and striding determinedly into the restaurant, I loomed over the tiny punk rock Mexican, my former rival in food, and sized her up for a moment. Her friends all looked up in suprize, falling silent. Sarah continued to munch on her food, looking up curiously. I can, at this point in time, assure you that there are very few things which will phase her enough to stop her from eating, one of the many, many traits we have in common.

Me: Do you drink... COFFEE?!?
Sarah: YES!!!
Me: Here's my number! Drink coffee with me!
Sarah: Yes!

To this day, Sarah maintains that I was asking her out on a date. I suppose, in all fairness, that I was, though I won't admit this in person. In my defense, however, she began excitedly texting me not fifteen minutes later, something that nearly got me run over when my phone went off, and startled me while biking in midtown late afternoon traffic.

Oh, I should probably mention at this point that out of the table of girls, I picked the one lesbian. Of course. But I didn't know that at the time...

After (barley) surviving the ride home, we decided to meet in a couple of hours at Republic Coffee, and upon greeting each other once again, began an immediate and earnest discussion of our mutual hatred of pineapples.

Needless to say, this was a big deal.

Other things discussed included foam noodle fighting tactics and formations, Popular Science back issues, Japanese animation, music, and of course, food.

Our night moved from location to location, both of us encountering mutual friends, and sharing in the adventure until we finally concluded our evening at Gibson's Tastee Doughnuts. Here she confessed her sexual orientation to me, almost as if she were worried it would mean that I wouldn't be as interested in hanging out with her if I knew that we wouldn't be sleeping together. I don't think she, or anyone else for that matter, expected me to laugh as loudly as I did that evening.

A week later we nearly moved in together, and have been the best of Platonic friends pretty much ever.

She's helped me through so very, very much, and I'd like to think that I've had somewhat of a positive influence on her life as well. She's still my partner in crime, and we're convinced, a tiny female clone of myself. When she introduces me, it's as her older brother, and no one questions this.

So even though to her face I'll deny this all day long, in all reality, it was the best first-sort-of-date-but-not-really-ever.

Happy late Valentine's, Sprau.
-T